God – Could We Have A Conversation?

Hi guys, i haven’t been able to drop a new blog post in a while because I haven’t been in such a happy place emotionally, but I’m definitely better now and yes my blog is 4 months today, I’m elated and thanks to my 200+ followers.

So while I was away, my emotions fluctuated each day, happy this minute, down the next, at times I felt like I wasn’t at the point in my life where I’m supposed to and it kind of toyed with my feelings, at some point I tried seeking solace in someone else and it didnt end well, you can guess already but I think that kind woke me up.

I consider myself lucky for the people I have in my circle, they bring out the best in me and I was able to get over my feeling faster than I thought I would actually, I’m impressed with myself this time. I’m what you can call an emotionally weak person not because I want to be, I’m extremely sensitive and my heart is unguarded. Sometimes I wish I could speak to God physically and have an indepth conversation, lay my emotions at his feet and be soothed. Ask him questions and get answers and quit my anxiety.

Glad that I’m actually working on myself, I’ve seen some improvements and I’m glad I dont dwell on things that would break me down as much as I used to, I feel better emotionally and wouldn’t give anyone such hold over my emotions, no need seeking solace in someone else whe i can find it in myself , when I’m all I need to be happy.

I want to give my self some freedom, oh I can be so uptight, I want to spread my wings and be free, have some fun, maybe that’s what I’m missing , haha, I’ll make a more detailed blog post about this later, anyways bye for now guys .

With Love.

Peculiar Wilfred.

Take Back Control

Honestly some people can be incredibly insensitive, I wonder how people leave your life and waltz back in like everything is alright like they never hurt you.

I feel as humans we tend to misbehave while in our comfort zone, when you get so comfortable you begin to feel everything lasts forever. The sense of entitlement and the feeling of being irreplaceable needs to be tossed into the trash, you can’t hurt someone and expect them to allow you back into their life with open arms, you should be getting a snack across the head instead.

People who intentionally hurt you and feel two words can always make things better , two words that have been over used and misused, two words that flow freely from the lips without any truth to it – I’m sorry. Just how long are we going to keep hiding under the influence of those words, your mouth says one thing but your actions say otherwise

People feel they’re exceedingly important and needed that they try to put you in such positions that you literally beg for their presence, I feel it sort of fuels their ego and leaves you feeling stupid. Never ever beg for someone’s attention or presence, it weakens your esteem . Let them realize just how precious your energy is/was. They’ll always come running back . If only we had the power in our hands to have things go the way we would want them to. Yes, you can say if wishes were horses – maybe then we won’t have to deal with rejection, depression or a lack of self esteem . But dont give somebody else the power to control your emotions or have a say over your mental health. Take back control

With Love.

The Next Door Neigbour

I stood at the window, my eyes searching, as though a predator preying , awaiting its victim, he usually came towards my eye’s angle at this time, why wasn’t he here yet? I had been keeping track , weeks of watching and accustoming myself to his schedule, I knew when he left his home and when he returned. I took a quick look at the mirror, my hair was in a messy bun, a plain white shirt and a pair of my go to jeans, i mean how could he not admire this?

This silly infatuation began weeks prior, when I was sitting by my window and I saw him across at their front yard, his built figure, the muscles pulsing in his arms, the sharp definition his face bore, and beside him a rather petite and pretty face, a girlfriend? A wife?.I hoped not. Till I saw the huge diamond rock sitting pretty on her finger, my interest was immediately planted. I began watching him, fuelling my silly obsession.

He finally came home, but he was late, I watched him walk towards his front door, rolled my eyes at the sight of him hugging his wife as she opened up the door, what was wrong with me??. I knew what came next, he would go into their bedroom and undress, I immediately assumed my position, I saw the lights to the bedroom come on , now he would be undressing , that I know, then as though right on cue he came towards the window directly across me, i quickly took off my shirt and pretended to be busy undressing. And then his eyes fell upon mine, the unwavering stare, I was just in my bra as only the upper part of my body was visible to him. Seconds felt like minutes as his eyes were still on mine, then suddenly his wife came right behind him, her hands enveloping his chest from behind. I immediately moved away from the window more like shamefully hoping I wasnt seen.

This wasn’t how I had envisioned this, I felt ashamed, I felt dirty, was I just trying to playing around with someone’s husband?. It seemed as though I had gotten my senses back and realized the way I had been feeling for weeks now wasn’t proper and neither was it in my character. I had tried to play with a fire that was definitely going to burn me.

I cowered my head in shame as I sat at the edge of my bed, I mouthed a prayer of forgiveness wishing that hadn’t occured. I walked back to the window shutting it. Here I was taking a risk I couldn’t handle, I flopped on the bed and curled into a ball and wished for a temporary memory loss.

Inspiration And Its Weird Timing

I have come to realize my inspiration sometimes has a habit of coming at very odd times, I dont know if its just me or it’s pretty normal, do you experience it too? Tell me about it.

There’ve been times when I could probably be doing the dishes or just be in a position in which I dont have access to a pen and paper or even my phone, just odd times when I’m not thinking of writing anything and then my mind begins an inspiration marathon. It just keeps flowing and I’ve probably already written a thousand words mentally but then I’m unable to put it down and it just gets lost.

It really can be frustrating at times phew , sometimes I wish I could schedule it, like come at exactly 7:00.. no.. no..not 6:59, 7:00. But oh well we know that doesnt work.

But the feel of the inspiration is one of the best parts of it all, I love the feeling of when your mind stretches its branches and your third eye sees even clearer. I appreciate the feeling no doubt because I’ve experienced how it feels to be unable to find any inspiration whatsoever (you can find it in my previous blog posts – Writer’s Block ) and that was even more frustrating so I and my inspiration, we’re just going to have a one on one talk and be best of friends.

Wilfred Peculiar

With Love.

Could We Call Love/Marriage A Makeshift Cage?

These scars remind me of you
Despite how hard I try to ignore the pain
Your not so gentle touch on my face leaving me with a black eye each morning
Friends and family with words of advice and looks of concern
“Pack up and leave before its too late” “Leave ?”
“To where? To what? To whom?”
“Who would love me at 42?”
To start with , my looks deny my age
Maybe it’s because of the pain I hold in
The sleepless night and fear of the unknown

I hold on to this love
This abstract and absent love
The love I nurture in my heart
The vow I am chained to
Ten years of dished out abuse, extra spiced dinner of regret
Low self esteem , the order of my day

You can call me a wally for love
For I have bore this pain too long
But can I continue?
Can I continue to ignore my bleeding heart
Can I continue to ignore hospital test results
Until I say my final goodbyes
Maybe he’ll change
Maybe he’ll see me different
When I’m in my furbished coffin in a pretty white gown
Maybe he’ll love me again
Then will he see me differently.

Wilfred Peculiar.

This Time Last Year..

I remember this time last year ( grateful for growth) I was in a different head space, a different state of mind . It wasn’t pleasant you can probably tell already.

2020 came with a lot of baggage we can all tell but personally?.. 2019 was a more tasking year for me, mentally, emotionally and physically. A lot happened to me, I learnt a lot, lost some things and pretty much had to grow up . But I mean I can’t complain, it said stuff happens to us so we could grow so I pretty much guess last year was my ‘test of faith’.

Last year was my first encounter with depression, I was a wreck , far from my usual self, literally couldn’t recognize my reflection in the mirror. Funniest part is I really didnt qualify my state of mind at that point in time as depressing. Although later on I became aware but it still felt all strange. I simply thought – oh I was just sad, I was just not in the mood to leave the house, I just didnt have any appetite whatsoever , I just didnt feel like talking to anyone, I mean nothing wrong with wanting to be left alone right, suicidal thoughts are just random stuff c’mon, no biggie – You wish!.

Mental health Is so important as it is fragile, take care of your mental health, pay attention to it, I had to surround myself with loved ones and understand exactly why I felt the way I did. Take care of your emotions ,they could trigger depression, guard your emotions and dont give anyone the power to break you down!.

With Love

Wilfred Peculiar

Out of Sight , Out Of Mind – Really?

This is one theory I really like, though sometimes I’ve gone against it, you know they say the less visible a person is the less you think about them, true and even sometimes advisable because not everyone is good for our headspace or mental health which we all know so its good to reduce contact then gradually try to forget about them, but what happens when you cant forget about someone even after a long period of time.

I’ve heard people say someone crosses their mind everyday ,probably someone they havent even heard from in a pretty long time, even i have been in such a situation, touchè. I just feel the mind does what it wants to when uncontrolled, being able to control the mind is key, because you could keep on thinking about someone you last saw the year before, physically you may not be in such person’s presence but mentally you’re there.

Probably the thoughts may not cross your mind every hour or even every day but before you go to bed or while working, walking on the streets, seeing something that strikes a memory or even doing something very unrelated and you just find the person crossing your mind even for a minute, definitely happens , and that’s fine but being able to control the thoughts and knowing which to discard before it begins to germinate in your mind is key . Gain control.

Wilfred Peculiar.

Sometimes Its Not Always What It Seems

This was the third time I hit my right foot against a stone, it was being to get uncomfortable as it was troubling, we all know what they say about hitting your foot against a stone, once? That’s nothing to bother about, twice? Ok , that’s unusual, thrice? Ok now you should be bothered. Haven’t you heard that basically means something bad is about to occur?. I stopped in my tracks and said a quick prayer, and continued walking, I had to walk to a bus stop , as It was pretty late and I had to head home alone, now more conscious of my environment as I still had it at the back of my mind that there was a likely possibility of something happening and I had to be cautious.

I hopped into the bus and took a seat by the window, staring out literally the whole time, until a stranger on a hoodie sat beside me, i couldn’t see his features just the black fabric covering them. I returned my attention to the window, a quick look at my wristwatch said 11:45. I had planned to resign from the bar next week as I had gotten my letter of acceptance from my preferred university, now was time to further ahead and get my life on track.

The bus came to a stop, and I hurried out, all I craved was the comfort of my bed now. Walking home alone was common practice since I began working late hours, I turned behind me and saw someone, with a hoodie walking in my trail. I turned back to minding my business thinking nothing of it, kust minutes away from home . I felt the hair at the back of my neck stand, I hugged my jacket tighter, turning back I saw the same figure now less than 10 feet away from me, directly on my path. I began to feel goosebumps and immediately quickened my steps , I was literally jogging at this point.

The streets were lonely and quiet, I heard a dog bark in the distance but I couldn’t see anyone else, my heart beat quickened thinking of what could happen and how no one would be aware, too much of crime programs you could say . I turned and saw the person behind me turning left to the next street, he had taken his hoodie off and I could see him clearly , and he wasnt actually following me , wow so much for the way I felt. I almost slapped myself in the face for letting my fear get the best of me.

I finally got into my house, taking a bottle of water from the fridge, I flopped into the couch, thinking about my earlier experience. I began laughing, it felt funny now how scared I was minutes ago, like I had expected something bad to happen, I mean from the occurrence of hitting my foot consecutively, I let superstition get the best of me, how shallow of me, my mind began expecting something to actually go wrong. Never again!. I dropped the bottle of water and headed into the shower in anticipation of a peaceful sleep.

So guys I know I said I was going to be making an occasional thread of African superstitions and myths. the last I made was the piece on the African explanation for a woman with beards, so i hope you’ll enjoy this too! Let me know your opinions .

Create your website at WordPress.com
Get started