Maybe Love Isn’t The Answer – Welcome Back Post

This feeling, strong as it is cannot be pursued . I cannot be swayed by the melodious words of promise. My heart yearns for more but my brain knows better.

I’m at the edge, the edge of my breaking point. My heart has been rendered naked and bare. Only but a prickle is enough to shatter it. But here comes my emotional detachment to save the day. Is it just me?, is this normal? ‘long as it gets the job done , ‘long as it keeps my heart safe. I may ride with the wave of pessimism.

Lest I forget . Happy new year guys . I know it’s been monthsss but can I say I’m back ? Maybe.

Once, I thought to test the waters , that one leap of faith , oh maybe , just maybe this would be the one. I wasn’t warned , or maybe I was but don’t they said love is blind, moving without a cane. Bound for disaster. I gave my all but the tears at 3am do not understand common sense. The distressing feeling , the loneliness . Tell me why I should try again ? Tell me why I should lay my cards on the table ?. At this point I have no more tears to cry.

But why is this stranger lingering on my mind , why do I wake up with thoughts and feelings I haven’t felt in months. It cannot be pursued – I may have to keep reminding myself. Easier said than done but I’ll try my best , my best to not tip over the edge. I’ll try my best to not cave in – for a man in love is no different from a fool.

HOPE

Hoping, holding onto hope, I feel that’s literally where we’re all at, hope is suddenly all we got, ending 2020 we all hoped for a better year, when life throws the worst at you all you can do is hope for the best.

But how long can that hope stand before it begins to fizzle out, like a lone candle in the dark, wax seeping out downwards until the fire breathes its last and its pitch dark- hopelessness. Being hopeful can be a struggle, you’re forced to face reality and still hold onto the string of illusion

I’ve been inconsistent with blogging for the past 3 months now and it hurts me, I begin a blog post and literally leave it in drafts for weeks before I remember it, a lot going on out of this space and I’m gonna try to not let that affect my blog, I’m really sorry for the inconsistency guys! , Also my blog turned 6 months last month but I didn’t make a blog post about it, phew! , anyways we’re turning 7months this February and I’m elated at how far I’m bringing this, I’m proud of myself

Also I’m definitely gonna do better . I’m gonna dig in deep in my pandora box of inspiration and create more quality content for you guys like I always do! .Meanwhile do not forget to be hopeful no matter what , build your hope to be as strong as a mountain. Anticipate my next blog post guys.

With Love

Peculiar Wilfred

2021

Hi there, been a minute, hope you had an amazing Christmas, and a happy happy new year to you.

For a fact we can say 2020 was a one of a kind kind of year both positively and negatively, but we’re definitely keeping the faith alive for this new year

I’ve been busy and occupied these past weeks but I’m back now to continue giving you quality content , I’ve missed you guys so much. How’s your year going and hope you’ve been having quality time while maintaining the covid guidelines. I’d love to hear from you guys again.

With Love.

Fear

It was about time, i thought to myself as I dropped my last bag, I revelled in my accomplishment, the new home I just acquired, just something small. It was time I began taking responsibility and standing on my feet, and this was the first step in that direction. I had left his home, more like ran for my life, John and I were like fire and gas- toxic, and I was done with the abuse and Ill treatment, I guess that’s what you get when you forfeit your whole life for a man, oh well..

To think of leaving was hard, leaving was even harder, I had to sneak out my clothes little by little over a spasm of 3 weeks so as not to alarm him , and while he laid beside me, his arm across my body, making sure I was always by his side, I took my last set of clothes and snuk out in the middle of the night. The next morning my phone was riddled with calls , texts- threats , apologies then more threats . All from him warning me to return to him.

The first night alone , I barely slept, not because I was lonely but the fear in my heart couldn’t let me close my eyes for even a second, it felt as though, he had found me and he was gonna come hurt me, every creak made me nervous .I kept a bread knife beside my bed, easily within my reach. With him , I feared him, now without him it seemed I feared him more.

Its been three months now, I began arranging the bags , I had been furnishing and trying to make my new home come more alive, it felt really good. I picked up the groceries bag and dropped it on the kitchen counter ready to unpack when my eyes saw an envelope, right on the kitchen counter, my first instinct was fear, I picked up a knife, ran to my door, it was intact , no sign of forced entry. At this point I could literally hear my racing heart beats. I walked towards the note, but I couldn’t touch it, I was too scared to , I knew without any doubt who it was from. But how did he find me? I ignored all his incessant texts, and emails, every single day he would send me threats or apologies or pleas and I’d make sure to trash the message.

The knife clattering on the floor brought me back to reality and I realized my hands were shaking involuntary, even in his absence I felt unsafe, picking up the envelope slowly, I opened the note..

“White drapes?

You can do better

And always make your bed before leaving “

So hey there guys, this is gonna be like a mini story but its gonna come in parts, so this is the first part, sit tight and anticipate the next part (continuation) . Finally a series , been wanting to do this, so let me know what you think in the comment section guys 😁

YOLO

Some days I wish I could have a care-free day to myself, by care free I don’t mean a break from work just to lay in bed and rest , but a day without any care in the world, where in i could literally take all the risks i avoided and do what I shouldn’t be doing. Spread my wings and fly . Just a day, just 24 hours , just a taste of the unknown,

Funny how we have 24 hours in a day but most times it feels like 12, engrossed in things we wouldn’t rather be doing, we are so uptight trying to get that money and we would rather just play safe at all situations, that’s basically me – I’d play safe, rather safe than sorry they say but the thirst never gets quenched, it’s still there. They say experiences make memories and memories stick with us. I dont think I’m going to have so much memories to look back to by doing everything by the book just to play safe, not saying you should go commit a crime, no no. Do what doesn’t put anyone around you in danger, everything with moderation. Buy that house, take that trip. go to that party, give that person a chance . Close your book of do’s and don’t’s for a while

Or maybe its just me wanting to be adventurous, I’ve always been that way but I guess now it’s too loud to ignore, maybe I might just take the risk and try something new, or do what I was told not to, or walk in shoes that aren’t mine- 24 hours, call it a demo if you may or I might just stick to my routine and do what i was told to do and what’s expected of me. Either way I’m out to seek happiness and you should too.

But I do not think we can find complete happiness by following rules set by someone else, but the world right now revolves around rules, rules we must follow. And rules we must learn to derive some sort of happiness from. Gotta live with it you know. But still find that happiness, seek it out, only one life to live, how about making some memorable experiences?.

The Mystery Blogger Award

Some days back I was nominated by A Writ Much for the mystery blogger Award. Do check out her blog, I’ve been following her for a while and she’s an amazing blogger with great content . I’m so excited to have been nominated as this is my first nomination for any award and that means I must be doing something right. Thanks for the nomination Sarah, its really appreciated.

The Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging; and they do it with so much love and passion.
– Okoto Enigma

Source- https://www.okotoenigmasblog.com/my-greatest-creation-yet/

Rules

1. Put the award logo/ image on your blog
2. List the rules
3. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog
4. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
5. Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
6. Nominate other bloggers of your choice
7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog
8. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify)
9. Share a link to your best post(s)

3 things about myself:

1. I’m scared of snakes or anything that crawls, gives me goosebumps

2. I’m a lover of true crime, I’ve always wanted to be something sort of an homicide detective

3. I’m a huge lover of fashion and style

My best posts:

All my blog posts are literally my favourite but these are the ones i would occasionally read and admire all over again Inspiration And Its Weird Timing . Writer’s Block and God – Could We Have A Conversation . Hope you enjoy them too!

Now to A Writ Much questions

If you could interview any famous person (a celebrity, an author, a world leader even an activist) who would it be?

I think I would definitely interview Chimamanda Adichie – Author of Purple Hibiscus

What’s the first thing on your bucket list?

To live a happy , satisfying and fulfilling life

What motivated you to start your blog?

My sister , she kept urging me to try my hands on blogging but I was so skeptical about it that it took me more than a year before I decided to finally open my own blog

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Haha I cant even really pick which is the craziest

[Weird Question] Would you rather be in a musical on Broadway or part of an acapella group?

I’d say an acapella group,  I love their unison

My Nominees

Fauxcroft

Diosraw

Kaushalkkishore

Woodsy The Performance Poet

Creative May

Finally my Questions for my Nominees:

1. What’s your full name and nationality

2. At what age did you realize you had the talent for writing

3. Asides blogging , what else do you love doing

4. Who would you call your role model

5. Weird Question- if you were only allowed to eat a certain meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner each day for a whole year, what meal would it be?

I really look forward to your answers guys , wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity to get to know you all better . And a happy new month to you all.

God – Could We Have A Conversation?

Hi guys, i haven’t been able to drop a new blog post in a while because I haven’t been in such a happy place emotionally, but I’m definitely better now and yes my blog is 4 months today, I’m elated and thanks to my 200+ followers.

So while I was away, my emotions fluctuated each day, happy this minute, down the next, at times I felt like I wasn’t at the point in my life where I’m supposed to and it kind of toyed with my feelings, at some point I tried seeking solace in someone else and it didnt end well, you can guess already but I think that kind woke me up.

I consider myself lucky for the people I have in my circle, they bring out the best in me and I was able to get over my feeling faster than I thought I would actually, I’m impressed with myself this time. I’m what you can call an emotionally weak person not because I want to be, I’m extremely sensitive and my heart is unguarded. Sometimes I wish I could speak to God physically and have an indepth conversation, lay my emotions at his feet and be soothed. Ask him questions and get answers and quit my anxiety.

Glad that I’m actually working on myself, I’ve seen some improvements and I’m glad I dont dwell on things that would break me down as much as I used to, I feel better emotionally and wouldn’t give anyone such hold over my emotions, no need seeking solace in someone else whe i can find it in myself , when I’m all I need to be happy.

I want to give my self some freedom, oh I can be so uptight, I want to spread my wings and be free, have some fun, maybe that’s what I’m missing , haha, I’ll make a more detailed blog post about this later, anyways bye for now guys .

With Love.

Peculiar Wilfred.

Take Back Control

Honestly some people can be incredibly insensitive, I wonder how people leave your life and waltz back in like everything is alright like they never hurt you.

I feel as humans we tend to misbehave while in our comfort zone, when you get so comfortable you begin to feel everything lasts forever. The sense of entitlement and the feeling of being irreplaceable needs to be tossed into the trash, you can’t hurt someone and expect them to allow you back into their life with open arms, you should be getting a snack across the head instead.

People who intentionally hurt you and feel two words can always make things better , two words that have been over used and misused, two words that flow freely from the lips without any truth to it – I’m sorry. Just how long are we going to keep hiding under the influence of those words, your mouth says one thing but your actions say otherwise

People feel they’re exceedingly important and needed that they try to put you in such positions that you literally beg for their presence, I feel it sort of fuels their ego and leaves you feeling stupid. Never ever beg for someone’s attention or presence, it weakens your esteem . Let them realize just how precious your energy is/was. They’ll always come running back . If only we had the power in our hands to have things go the way we would want them to. Yes, you can say if wishes were horses – maybe then we won’t have to deal with rejection, depression or a lack of self esteem . But dont give somebody else the power to control your emotions or have a say over your mental health. Take back control

With Love.

The Next Door Neigbour

I stood at the window, my eyes searching, as though a predator preying , awaiting its victim, he usually came towards my eye’s angle at this time, why wasn’t he here yet? I had been keeping track , weeks of watching and accustoming myself to his schedule, I knew when he left his home and when he returned. I took a quick look at the mirror, my hair was in a messy bun, a plain white shirt and a pair of my go to jeans, i mean how could he not admire this?

This silly infatuation began weeks prior, when I was sitting by my window and I saw him across at their front yard, his built figure, the muscles pulsing in his arms, the sharp definition his face bore, and beside him a rather petite and pretty face, a girlfriend? A wife?.I hoped not. Till I saw the huge diamond rock sitting pretty on her finger, my interest was immediately planted. I began watching him, fuelling my silly obsession.

He finally came home, but he was late, I watched him walk towards his front door, rolled my eyes at the sight of him hugging his wife as she opened up the door, what was wrong with me??. I knew what came next, he would go into their bedroom and undress, I immediately assumed my position, I saw the lights to the bedroom come on , now he would be undressing , that I know, then as though right on cue he came towards the window directly across me, i quickly took off my shirt and pretended to be busy undressing. And then his eyes fell upon mine, the unwavering stare, I was just in my bra as only the upper part of my body was visible to him. Seconds felt like minutes as his eyes were still on mine, then suddenly his wife came right behind him, her hands enveloping his chest from behind. I immediately moved away from the window more like shamefully hoping I wasnt seen.

This wasn’t how I had envisioned this, I felt ashamed, I felt dirty, was I just trying to playing around with someone’s husband?. It seemed as though I had gotten my senses back and realized the way I had been feeling for weeks now wasn’t proper and neither was it in my character. I had tried to play with a fire that was definitely going to burn me.

I cowered my head in shame as I sat at the edge of my bed, I mouthed a prayer of forgiveness wishing that hadn’t occured. I walked back to the window shutting it. Here I was taking a risk I couldn’t handle, I flopped on the bed and curled into a ball and wished for a temporary memory loss.

Inspiration And Its Weird Timing

I have come to realize my inspiration sometimes has a habit of coming at very odd times, I dont know if its just me or it’s pretty normal, do you experience it too? Tell me about it.

There’ve been times when I could probably be doing the dishes or just be in a position in which I dont have access to a pen and paper or even my phone, just odd times when I’m not thinking of writing anything and then my mind begins an inspiration marathon. It just keeps flowing and I’ve probably already written a thousand words mentally but then I’m unable to put it down and it just gets lost.

It really can be frustrating at times phew , sometimes I wish I could schedule it, like come at exactly 7:00.. no.. no..not 6:59, 7:00. But oh well we know that doesnt work.

But the feel of the inspiration is one of the best parts of it all, I love the feeling of when your mind stretches its branches and your third eye sees even clearer. I appreciate the feeling no doubt because I’ve experienced how it feels to be unable to find any inspiration whatsoever (you can find it in my previous blog posts – Writer’s Block ) and that was even more frustrating so I and my inspiration, we’re just going to have a one on one talk and be best of friends.

Wilfred Peculiar

With Love.