He whispered into my ears poetic lines, reminding me how much he claimed to love me, filling my heart with affection, his hand across my waist pressing slightly, he claimed I was the one and we were going to be together forever. And he had never felt love as strong as this. I wondered if he had even felt love at all. Every evening I rushed back home before my mother would become aware of my whereabouts I found clarity and my heart knew better.
He said we would attend the same college then afterwards move to a new city together, get married and make babies, I nodded my head in agreement as my heart beat for joy believing I had found the one but every day I sat before my written goals taped to the wall beside my bed and I couldn’t find him in any. I found clarity and my heart knew better.
I skipped school to go spend time with him, the thrill of it, the adrenaline it brought, the new things I was able to try, It felt surreal, I felt on top of the world and he brought out another part of me I didnt know existed, I revelled in his energy that the world seemed to stop whenever we were together but when I sat before my overlapping school work and dilapidating grades I found clarity and my heart knew better .
But I would always go back, I would always go back to that which was bad for me, he was nicotine and i was addicted, I had painted a picture in my head , acted out a scenario and planned a future with someone whose path didnt align with mine, I was beyond infatuated but would you blame me, I was young and experimenting. I was falling for someone who didnt want the same as me. I had found clarity and my heart already knew better but I was unwilling to let go. I was unwilling to make that conscious decision. I revelled in my fantasy .